THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF TEENAGERS

My quote for today:
"I don't see myself in terms of whether I am a success or a failure but by the depth of love that is felt between myself and those who I am close to."


The teenagers of today are very different to the teenagers in our time. Even if you were 15 when your child was born your teenager will be very different to the way you were as a teenager and this in part is due to the technology available these days. But there are some things about teenagers that will always remain the same; the feeling of being invincible and seeing yourself as the only one who has ever felt a certain way or who has such hopeless parents. These beings are trying to work out who they are and how they fit into the general scheme of things by formulating their opinions and beliefs. Who am I? That was what I asked myself continually as a teenager - in some ways it seems like only yesterday.

As parents we continually judge, punish and bully ourselves. If our children misbehave or test the boundaries we look at ourselves as failures but the truth of the matter is that it's the teenager's job to act out and test their boundaries and limits. If a teenager isn't acting out in some way, then perhaps it's because they are sheltered from the "real" world and other teenagers and this can cause other problems later on down the track when the time comes to join the rest of the adult population of society. We have to remember that in the end we want our children to be able to blend into the adult world and the teenage period is the transition phase. We don't want them feeling like an oxymoron (unless they choose to) and so it's up to us to help them gain their independence and this starts from a young age with them gradually earning it - with the pace quickening somewhat over the teenage years - until they are ready to move out. None of us wants a 20-something year old in our home lounging around watching TV all day and receiving government benefits. And it may seem like a lovely sentiment that a child is still playing with his/her toys until 16 years of age but as a parent I would be concerned that the child may not be able to follow through on his commitments and responsibilities as an adult.


















I personally think that teenagers are wonderful beings. I love that they are constantly practicing their wit (including sarcasm) and intelligence on their families; we have many conversations sitting around the kitchen table with cup of tea or coffee in hand discussing all kinds of things from gay marriage to the sacrifices that need to be made in order to save for a first home. There has been many times that I have gained a new insight from my children and whenever I am with them I become filled with their enthusiasm and optimism - it's quite catching.

As parents we expect that at some time during our children's teen years they might:
try smoking or experiment with weight gain or loss or drink alcohol or try a drug or two or drop out of school or have sex or have massive tantrums that shake the house or look at porn or decide that they are gay or gossip and spread nasty rumours or use bad language or want to go to parties where they will do most of the above.
But we sincerely hope that at no time they will:
rob a bank, rape someone (including date rape) or become a hard/habitual drug user or start a bush fire or steal cars or prostitute themselves or leave home and live on the streets or become a paedophile or mug/attack someone or hurt the elderly or become an axe murderer or sleep around or impregnate someone and not take responsibility.



As the years go on we realise we are not the one who has to solve all of our children's problems - sometimes it's just about listening -we can take a back seat and let them work it out for themselves. We can let go a little. We have to get teen behaviour into perspective; we have to accept that they will probably act out and not judge/punish/bully ourselves when they do but keep loving them and accepting them unconditionally while also disciplining them and being firm with them. And we have to pray and have faith that they are safe and protected when they do act out and are out of our sight and earshot. And feel confident that all of the time and effort that we put into them as they were growing will see them through the tough times and ultimately form them into wonderful,    
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