WHEN YOUR GROWN CHILD DECIDES TO LEAVE HOME


Your child is fully grown and you're thrilled with how they have turned out but then they announce they are leaving home. It seemed like a long, hard slog at times when they were growing up but you never really entertained the notion that they would leave - you can't imagine life without them living at home. My son announced at 16 that he would be moving out at 18 so at least I had some time to prepare myself but even then I would play devil's advocate with him and say things like "if you are so certain of that, why don't you just go now," because it didn't once cross my mind that he was actually serious. He was very serious and he did move out at 18.


I found it incredibly difficult at first especially when there were special occasions and he couldn't make it to enjoy them with us. I thought I might sink into the depths of depression and never come out again. And now I understood the jokes I had heard over the years and the mother-in-laws I had met that were referred to as the "dragon lady," or "mother-in-law from hell". It's very tempting to slide into that kind of behaviour that may just manipulate them back to you - but ultimately damages relationships - because you feel so despairing that they have gone and you don't like the idea of having to share them with others eg: girlfriends and new parent-in-laws. But even though I often felt ghastly inside I made the decision to rise above that kind of behaviour and not become one of those people.


This is how it looks to the parents when their adult child leaves home.































                                                                                                                                                . . . and this is how it looks to the adult child.

But time marches on - it stands still for no man and with the passing of it I did adjust and I eventually came to feel quite blessed. He was doing the right thing not just for himself but for his girlfriend and new child. He was doing what society expects of men and applauds them for - standing by his woman, providing a home for her and their infant. He had turned out just like his father - honourable, gallant, selfless, courageous, her knight in shining armour. He was the young man I had raised him to be and I began to see how I should be proud instead of sad.

Nevertheless, I felt relieved that I had other children at home that still needed me - I could shift my focus more onto them now. Luckily for me I have always been an optimist so I felt sure that it would just be a matter of time before I would start to see the silver lining.  I started to notice things that I could be happy about; my food bill and wash load reduced dramatically. We had a spare room that we could use for other things. When planning family outings eg: to the cinema, there was only three kids to accommodate instead of four. There were no more late night disturbances or being woken up in the wee hours by gates clicking and doors being opened and closed. Besides, we still saw him a least a couple of times a week. And over and above all of that is a lovely sense of fruition as you see that after all of the years of tears, happiness, rage, concern and anxiety your task as a parent is culminating in a living, breathing piece 'de resistance that you have created and you come to except that the hardest part of your job as a parent is almost finished as you release your adult child out into the world. And you start to get your life back a little .  .  . that's worth a lot.